Proves there is no natural law, scientists say

AUSTIN (CMM) -- In a 14-hour surgical marathon, doctors at Seton Hospital turned Austin man Clinton Confuso into a jellyfish.  Surgeons took 14 hours to remove most of his vital organs, including his brain and central nervous system, enclosing what was left in a new, biosynthetic body which resembles a used plastic bag.

In a statement recorded for the press on the day before surgery, the patient said “I always knew I was a jellyfish.”  Added wife of twelve years Crissy Confuso, “So did I.”

Hospital authorities say the former Mr. Confuso, now known by his jellyfish name, Medusa, is doing well.  Recovery ward staff reported that immediately after surgery he seemed to be signaling that he wanted a latte.  “We think he was joking,” said an unidentified nurse.  “If he can joke,” she added thoughtfully.

Reaction to the pioneering species-change surgery has been swift.  Medical researcher Trine Schtopmie said “This proves that there is no natural law.  There are no rules.  We can all relax.”  Asked for comment, the receptionist at People for Treating Humans Like Animals (PETHLA) tearfully recited the lyrics of “Imagine,” a ballad believed to have been popular in the era of singer Rudolph Valentino.

Sources report that the new jellyfish has already been offered a job modeling a Lava Lamp [see photo].  At present, however, he is resting and considering his options.