In a famous incident in the gospels, Peter asked Jesus, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him?  As many as seven times?”  Jesus replies, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.”  Some writers say this means that our forgiveness must be unlimited, as God’s is unlimited, and that we must not keep track.  The common saying is “forgive and forget.”

But this view blurs a number of distinctions.

In the first place, God’s forgiveness is limited in certain ways.  In this sense it really has no limit:  There is no repented sin too great for Him to forgive.  He lays Himself across the chasm.  But in this sense it does have a limit:  He will not forgive known, grave sin which I obstinately refuse to repent; refusal to repent is precisely refusal of forgiveness, refusal that the chasm be crossed.

In the second place, God does keep track in certain ways.  In this sense He really doesn’t keep track:  When He forgives me, He forgives me completely, and is willing for me to be entirely reconciled to Him, setting my forgiven sins as far from Him as the east is from the west.  But in this sense He does keep track:  If I sin and repent, sin and repent, in an endless cycle of wrong and remorse, then even though He forgives me, He is not satisfied.  In His inexorable love, He will not settle for cleansing my guilt but leaving all my sinful tendencies intact.  He demands that I submit to His surgery.

Besides, God does not desire that we be hurt.  Suppose my brother has wronged me seventy times seven times, and then repented seventy times seven times.  Yes, I must forgive him seventy times seven times -- but I am not required to expose myself to further harm seventy times seven times.  Must a battered wife continue living in the same household as her violent husband?

Does forgiveness require not wanting the wrongdoer not be punished?  No, that would not even be kind to the wrongdoer, because justice is medicinal.  Does it require acting as though reconciliation has taken place, even though it hasn’t?  No, that would leave us vulnerable to those still likely to hurt us.  Does it require indifference to whether the wrongdoer repents?  No.  Concerning those who nailed Him to the Cross, Jesus did not pray, “Father, forgive them, because they need not be sorry for their sins,” but “Father, forgive them, because they know not what they do.”

Speaking for myself, when I do wrong, I usually know very well what I do.

Then what does forgiveness require?  It requires that I let go of bitterness, setting aside the desire to hurt back, trusting in God’s justice.  It requires that I hope for the wrongdoer’s change of heart, trusting in His grace.  It requires a desire for ultimate reconciliation with the wrongdoer, even while realizing that this may not be possible in the present life.

And it requires that I remember the mercy that I myself have received, for I have greatly sinned.