Mondays are for student letters – or at least letters from young people -- and yes, this was a real letter.


Yo, wass up, I’ve been dating my girl for about a year now and I love her you know, even if I don’t always tell her that.  Anyways we just found out that she’s pregnant and she’s really upset, she doesn’t know how to tell her folks.  Oh yeah, I’m 20 years old, she’s only 17.  I’m young, intelligent, make a good living for myself.  My girl is from a different background, her parents don’t mind that, but they’re real strict and I think things will change now that I got her pregnant.  We don’t believe in abortion and she don’t want to give it up for adoption so we’re gonna have to eventually tell them what’s going on.  What should I do? How can I let her know I’m sorry?  Please help me.


You say you love her.  I don’t see the evidence yet.  Do you really want to know how to let her know that you’re sorry?  Or do you just want to get off the hook?  The way to show that you’re sorry is to do the right thing.

This is where you find out how much you want to be a man.

No matter what you’re afraid of, her parents have a right to be told; there is no “eventually.” The sooner the better.  Like today.  Most families pull together in a pinch. 

If you were both of age, I would tell you to marry her, provide for her, stay married, be faithful, and be a good father.  That’s the advice I gave another young guy who got his girlfriend pregnant.*  Your case is different, because depending on where you live, she may not be of age.

I can’t give you advice about the law.  Morally, I advise you to face the music.  Do what you can to repair the hurt that you’ve done to this girl and your unborn child.  That includes providing for them.

From now on, everything else in your life takes second place, and I mean everything.


* See “I Got My Girlfriend Pregnant.  What Now?”  The girlfriend of that letter wrote to me a moving letter of her own some time later – after she and the young man were married and the baby was born -- and I included it in Ask Me Anything, pp. 66-68.

Tomorrow:  Light Through Darkness